Ingrid and I have had some interesting discussions recently over the implications and considerations that inter-racial couples need to be aware of to maintain their sanity in a world that is so polarized by "race" (along with other divisive social mechanisms.) It is perhaps a common fallacy that because a marriage or relationship contains a member of 2 "races", the couple will feel comfortable in either environment. This is not the case. We are sometimes perceived as "party-poopers" to some friends and family when we shoot down invitations to certain restaurants or locals that most people don't give a second thought to frequenting. We have agonized over how to define to friends and family where we will and won't feel comfortable and I think the closest to an all encompassing definitions is this:
A mixed-racial couple cannot feel comfortable in any environment that is frequented by lower income people of either race.
I'm sure this seems harsh so I will elaborate:
1. A lower income individual is far more likely to not have left their local environment during their life to be exposed to diverse people or situations that might open their mind to accepting a mixed couple's existence. Xenophobia is a far safer bet in lower income neighborhoods.
2. Lower income people are more likely to be unemployed or underemployed. Racism and xenophobia run rampant where a homogenized group of people are without work. i.e. Appalachia. It's easy for people to blame others for their woes.
3. Lower income people come from other lower income people. Racism and xenophobia are learned. We see it already in Somnia's daycare class. We can tell the kids who have racist parents from the questions that their kids ask us.
We would be foolish to assume that ALL lower income people are of a xenophobic or racist mind but it only takes a few bad experiences and the human defense mechanism takes over to protect. I must stress that we have felt the anger towards our interracial relationship in both black and white environments. Some of the worst racist vibes to date were from lower income folks from the African American community in Columbus Ohio. Close second are some encounters with the white poor in Appalacia. It's just best for us to do anything we can to avoid both. What does this mean? Where can we and can't we go? Here is a short list:
--Food buffets must be scouted extremely carefully and must be somewhat pricey. Pick the wrong one and you are in lower-income heaven.
--Public gatherings such as fairs and amusement parks are debatable. If the cost of entry is steep enough it might be enough to avoid the xenophobic LCD.
--Shopping malls must be far enough from the inner city and have no discount outlets that attract the ignorant masses looking to save a buck. Malls can still be a sticky proposition as the whole "bling" thing has created a generation of lower-income folk who don't care about spending their money on stupid expensive shit.
--Ruby Tuesday style restaurants are debatable and must be scouted first to ensure safe distance from hillbilly discount stores and inner city clientele.
--WalMart shopping must be kept at an absolute minimum. Always frequent the Kroger if given a choice between the two. You pay more but it's worth it to avoid any ignorant "races should not mix" vibe.
--Any racing event is out of the question as are any street basketball tournaments.
I could go on and on, and just might in subsequent posts but I'm sure you get the idea. The irony of it all is that, on our own, Ingrid and I are both quite comfortable amongst poor common folks of either race. I myself have lived quite comfortably in inner-city neighborhoods and Ingrid travels to white, hilljack country schools helping kids see a future in medical careers. Even more ironic is that our financial and social status is by no means that far above that of the people we must avoid. Still, when traveling as a couple we find it best to avoid what can best be described as a bad "vibe." The bad vibe of ignorance.
Huh?
Who Knew!
As an African-American "hick" from the confluence of the Scioto and Ohio, I must stand in support of "enlightened" lower income folk. In Southern Ohio and N Kentucky, we lived and married lower income Irishmen, working the banks of the Scioto struggling to make a yield. The racial "sameness" is fleeting only for those who take the time away from survival mode to start searching for external loci of control to blame.
I am not giving a "get out of jail" card to those who may harbor resentment to Miscegenation / interracial marriage. I know many so "hilljack" folk that would not fall under your operationalization.
I married a wonderful man of German descent. We live our lives. We love. We argue. We are human. I worry more of having our mortgage denied by a broker in a Brooks Brothers suit. I worry about those in power and de jure mistreatment...
How are those of lower income exhibiting power in society, outside of voicing their opinion and striving for autonomy?
Posted by: Michele at June 9, 2006 09:59 AMI don't deny the existence of "enlightened" lower income folk and it warms the cockles of my heart when we meet them and are embraced as a couple. I grew up in the cornfields of Northwest Ohio and worked as a laborer there and in inner city Boston. A large part of me still identifies with working class people and enjoys being part of that culture.
I did state that we would be foolish to assume that all lower income folk could be covered in such broad brush strokes. Still, our experience as a bi-racial and bi-ethnic couple in both urban and rural communities has made us acutely aware of a more outward xenophobic response to our presence in these communities. It exists everywhere but many folks in lower income communities are not as socially skilled in at least trying to cover their distain for the different.
The most aggravating moment for me personally after moving back into a rural area after being away for some time was that, other than one person, none of our neighbors welcomed us into the neighborhood. Growing up in the cornfields of Northwest Ohio it was customary to welcome a new neighbor by a visit and perhaps bring over some food or some pie. I want to know where my pie is? I can't help but think that we have received no visits or welcome because of our racial makeup.
In response to how these lower income folks are exibiting power other than their opinion. They aren't any more than I am exibiting my opinion that that anyone who exibits an opinion of hatred and intolerance is someone that I prefer to stay away from at all costs.
Chris--
I'm not saying that you're completely wrong, but consider this. Sometime after I had moved to Athens from New York City, with my very New York City wife, and had been turned down for several jobs for which I was well-qualified, I was bitching about the situation with my mother, who has lived here since 1968. Now, my mother grew up in rural Michigan, so she isn't exactly culturally alien to folks around here. She has also been active in University wife-types organizations, her church, and the community, ever since moving here. But when I complained about not being able to find a job, she said: "You have to understand that you're an outsider. I've lived here for 25 years, and I'm still an outsider, and I'm made to know it in little ways, all the time." So you don't even need to be ethnically different from the Bull Durham crowd to be shunned: you can be pure white bread and covered head to toe in motor oil, if'n y'all ain't from around these parts.
By contrast, when I moved to New York City from Ann Arbor, I was treated as a curiosity, rather than as a stranger who might be (gasp!) dangerous in some frightening way. People were interested in the funny way I talked. They wondered what my ethnic identification was, because all New Yorkers have one (I didn't, really). But they were much friendlier than these pathetic hicks down here, and accepted me for the novel and interesting kind of person I was to them (I'm speaking now of the working people with whom I came in contact on the job, and on the streets of Brooklyn, and then the Bronx.)
Personally, I'm glad that the fuckers didn't come to my door with their pie. Count your blessings.
Well said Rob! I told Chris that I will bake him a pie (now that I have baked banana bread).
I am glad the neighbors did not come to our door. I would have been highly suspicious of their visits. Where I come from that kind of shit just is not done.
What can I say. You can take the woman out of Haiti but not the Haiti out of the woman:-)
Posted by: Ingrid at June 14, 2006 10:15 AMHey, When I moved in to my house here in Tiffin, I got a blueberry pie from my neighbors... BTY they are nuns too , however.
That's what I'm talking about Seth. Moving into a new house = pie in Tiffin. I am jealous. Do you have any slices of that pie left?
Posted by: keesey at June 14, 2006 11:36 PM