November 29, 2007
I Don't Like Christmas
Ok yes, I said it. Anyone who knows me knows that I can be a bit of a scrooge. Despite my deep-seated disgust for the season in general which now stretches from Halloween clear into mid-January, I would never besmirch the holiday season for my kids. I put on a good face while silently suffering through the bombardment of buy buy buy ad campaigns, overplayed songs and over-stated, meaningless statements like:
“Christmas is the season when we really realize the meaning of family.”
Ba. The last thing I need is some store or some crap TV show telling me in a commercial about the meaning of family. How about realizing the meaning of family all year long? Better yet, how about instead of me buying a toy from WalMart that will break in 2 days, I save that money and put it into my children’s college funds so that it benefits not just my family but their future families as well.
That brings me to this whole consumption celebration that Christmas has become. It has always had those elements threaded throughout the traditional religious reasons for the holiday but at this point it’s to the ludicrous degree. Case in point, we are now culturally expected to go to the stores to buy crap for everyone we know because it is Christmas. At the same time, we are not allowed to say Merry Christmas to the clerks in the stores themselves.
Perhaps we should just call it like it is. Christmas is a life-training event. It is where wealthy people train their kids to be superior consumers. It is where poor people train their kids for the disappointing truth that you cannot have all the things you see in the catalogue or on TV. I thought about it while watching my child circle every item in the JC Pennies catalogue. I did the same as a child (except it was the Sears catalogue in those days.) I felt pain to sit there smiling as Somnia took me through all the things she circled while knowing in my mind that she might get 1 or 2 of those items at best and it certainly was not going to be the ones that were her first choices. They were just far too expensive. It is a valuable lesson in the cruel realities of life. It’s too bad it has to be wrapped up in what we as a culture value as our “most important” holiday.
“But Keesey, it’s about the time you spend with those you love, not about the things you buy.” I’ve heard this a lot over the years. Do you know who the people are who utter these kinds of played out phrases? They are usually people who are most bought into the consumptive madness. Just once I would like to see these people who consistently berate me with these nonsense “feel better phrases” put their money where their mouth is. If that is so true, how about pulling out of the “I want, I want,” list making, gift-buying part of the holiday altogether. Spit in the face of the retailers and boycott their part of the holiday. Won’t happen.
I was having a discussion at the gym with my friend Shannon. He aptly branded consumption as the new American pastime. I believe he is right. No longer does sitting at a community baseball game cut it. You need to now pull up to the baseball game in your Lexus, pull out your iPhone between innings and talk about your new plasma TV with the other folks in the stands. If consumption is the new past time, Christmas it its World Series.
We as Americans are defined by our things. Christmas gives many folk an excuse and opportunity to expand on their own definition of themselves. One of the reasons I hated living in Columbus so much is that I got really sick of being defined as a person before I even met people. When you pull up to a business meeting in your Dodge Neon and everyone else rolls up in a BMW or Lexus, let’s not pretty up the reality that I in some way had already been defined. Let’s face it, we ALL make those prejudgments. The person in the Neon must now work harder to redefine themselves on the merit of their performance and intelligence. It’s one of the reasons I love NYC and some elements of Boston life so much. Everyone rolls up to work on the same train. As long as you dress halfway decent, you can be defined by who you really are, good or bad and not by your car before you even open your mouth.
So it’s back to one more hi ho hip hap happy Christmas season. As I mentioned, these are not new sentiments for me. I have heard over and over about how over the top I am with my dislike for the Christmas season. I would first state that I do love the traditional religious aspects of the season. I get a great deal of peace and solace out of that. Unfortunately, we as a culture are not allowed to talk publicly about that anymore. Just like I adhere to those cultural expectations, I also adhere to the expectations that I will not ruin Christmas for children. I do my best to give the kids the most memorable Christmas’s that I can. We have created our own traditions as a family that I truly look forward to. Unfortunately, it is impossible to escape the cultural consumptive feeding frenzy going on outside of my house. For my kids, I have to play that game too and let them figure out on their own just how ludicrous it is. Hopefully they will not end up as tarnished as I.
November 09, 2007
When in Orlando, have shifty eyes.
I'm sitting in the airport in Orlando. My flight got all screwed up so they put me on a shuttle that leaves about two hours later than my original flight. Waiting in the airport sucks but on the flip side, I get a direct flight and don't have to switch planes in D.C. I'd much rather wait in one airport as opposed to two.
As I was coming in through security I apparently looked suspicious. I was flagged and sent over to a "special area" where I was patted down and tested for explosives. All my bags were opened and tested as well. I welcomed it. The regular security line was about 25 minutes long. I was through in about 5. In most airports, you get flagged after already going through the entire regular line. In Orlando you get flagged BEFORE the regular line. Bonus!!!
There was one other guy in the "flagged security line." The security guy yell over to his counterpart, "are these two guys '#1s'?" His counterpart gestured yes. I extended my hand to the other guy and shook his hand and told him it was a pleasure to meet another "#1." Both of us were through to our gates while the rest of the "unflagged" people stood miserable being herded through row after row of line wrap.
Lesson I learned is: when coming through security in Orlando, look suspicious and you will save yourself about 20 minutes of line waiting.